The purposes of marriage - way beyond procreation

I have been thinking about two things.  ... 1. What I was taught about marriage in my parochial grammar school .. 2. How the way the Catholic Church talks about marriage now does not sound like what I was taught. ... I do not pretend to be a practicing Catholic, and I certainly do not speak for the Church or other Catholics, and my memories may be embellished, but the following thoughts legitimately apply to the debate about marriage in general and gay marriage.

The points below apply to all, believer, agnostic, atheist.

So here goes.

The purposes of marriage.

1. Companionable love. I was taught that the primary purpose of marriage was companionable love. That is, love between two partners, each admiring, respecting and helping the other and providing pleasure and joy for the other. This love often requires patience and fortitude, working together "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health." In the Catholic tradition companionable love becomes sacramental, a reflection of God's love for humanity, an expression of the passage in Genesis where God creates humankind in God's image, female and male. ... My first musing: In this creation story, and in marriage, we are reminded that we find God, or secular goodness, through relationships, through love of neighbor and, in a special way, through the love of spouse which offers the chance to combine the highest form of erotic love with the highest form of spiritual love. ... My next musing: This purpose of love needs no religious foundation or belief. ... My final musing: This purpose of marriage applies perfectly well to gay marriage, religious or secular. ... P.S. the Protestant tradition does not acknowledge marriage as a Sacrament, but as a sacred institution that should be regulated by the state for the common good, and not be regulated by the church.

2. Generative love. Generative love means contributing to the well being of the next generation, and our descendants.  This was taught as the next purpose of love. Obviously raising your children lovingly and wisely is a great expression of this love. But so is teaching well and wisely, taking care of the environment, showing example to the young of simple kindness, expressing gratitude, etc. This love is open to all, married or single. It also makes it clear that true parenthood can be attained through adoption.    My first using: When single people express this love they also contribute to well being of marriage as the foundation of society. ... My next musing: Gay people, married or single, can share in this purpose of marriage.

3. Practical love/community building/prosperity. We live in communities, which require our contribution to operate properly. Marriage offers people the opportunity to build and share a practical prosperity. I think of my parents community in Europe, where the man or the woman paid a dowry - not to the father but to the spouse - in order to "buy in" to a farm (owned by the man or the woman). This made both spouses equal partners in the farm. The farm was no longer an inheritance for one but a legacy for both, a stewardship, a reminder to to prudently manage and leave the land in good shape for an heir. ... My musing: This practical love applies to gay marriage, in an obvious way. Denying marriage rights to gays deprives them of many property rights.

4. Procreation. This is a basic purpose of marriage, but optional for individuals in marriage. It is not the first or most important purpose of marriage.

Reducing marriage to "procreation" is crude, brutal and graceless. But that is what the church now preaches. How very very sad.